A Story from A Broken Heart
As a sequel to my previous post “Till Death Do Us Apart”, I have received a heart-felt recount from a dear friend who is still going through the agonizing process of divorce. After reading her “diary”, all I can think of is that when one writes from the heart, the words could move mountains. Please read on.
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Never Thought I Would Become A Statistics
2008 was a life-altering year for me – as I moved out of the marital residence to begin life on my own while going through divorce proceedings. Like any other divorcee, I never thought this would happen to me. I certainly didn’t enter the sacrament of matrimony to just see it fall apart. But it is happening, and it has brought and continues to bring surges of emotions I never thought I had.
Rainbow of Mixed Emotions
I was literally dancing on the streets the day that I moved out – to me, it symbolized the beginning of a new life. But after a few nights alone, I wondered whether I made the right decision. To compound things, I wasn’t sure what to do with the time I had. People say one should learn new things, or do something you enjoy, reconnect with friends, make new friends – but in my case, there was a part of me that occasionally wanted to be alone in my thoughts. There was a part of me that wanted to sit down and be lonely from time to time. Time for mourning, they say.
I think everyone is a little lost after a divorce… There’s such a mixture of feelings going on; sadness at what was lost, anger at how it happened, a desire to rebuild, a fear of getting hurt again, a need to be loved and to show love, a protective instinct for our children… I think all that makes us confused and confusing to others. There were times I thought I was emotionally imbalanced – as I found myself giddy one minute. then crashing without warning within the next five minutes.
Maybe it was a desire to be understood, or to compare stories, or to receive empathy, or to gather advice on post-life divorce – or maybe it was just to feel ‘normal’ and not ‘damaged merchandise’ — it was amazing how all of a sudden, I gravitated towards divorced or separated men or women. I guess there is truth to the saying that “Birds of the same feathers flock together.” I didn’t shun my married friends, but I do remember not wanting to be in a family or couple setting over Thanksgiving – and instead opted to hang out with a girlfriend who broke up with her boyfriend of 6 years at around the same time.
March Forward – The Only Way
So what went wrong? There is really no one reason – it is a festering of words said and unsaid, actions taken and untaken. And my best advice to myself right now is to count to 1 from 10,000 — backwards and twice. This storm, too, shall pass.
P.S. You know the rule. Would love to hear your thoughts and comments.
Broken Heart – Photo credit to Hypermania37@dreamstime.com
